Jason Ozee, is our March 2017 Fibromyalgia Warrior!

Hi, My name is Jason Ozee. I am proud that Men With Fibromyalgia have chosen me as the March 2017 Fibromyalgia Warrior! This is my story, and why you should NEVER GIVE UP!

In a Fibromyalgia Group, I belong to, I have many times seen that Some of the members are talking about giving up. I almost gave up too on many occasions during my long and tortured personal war, but through dogged determination to live I came through it with an understanding of myself few could only imagine. And now I am in the best state of mind of my entire life. There is an end to that long, dark tunnel and I want to share with you my success story, because it is possible.

My Fibromyalgia was a result of a bad case of chronic myofascial pain (CMP) and its associated trigger points, which are basically contraction knots in muscles which will not only not release, but are a constant drain on your energy. The condition began in my feet and over the course of about ten years spread from one adjacent body part to the next until they were–as far as I can tell–in every single muscle of my body. If you are not familiar with CMP and trigger points you would do well to educate yourself, because many Fibro sufferers also suffer from CMP. This could explain some of the vast differences in experience among the afflicted. The bad news is that together the two cause more trouble than the sum of their symptoms would suggest, as Devin Starlanyl said in her essential manual, “Fibromyalgia & Chronic Myofascial Pain.” To make matters worse the therapy for each are in direct conflict with one another. Fibro needs exercise whereas CMP needs rest. If you feel like you have been treading water and the water is getting deeper, and you experience rapid onset muscle weakness where there is repetition you probably are suffering from “the double whammy.”

I continued to work full-time for six additional years after things got really bad. Six years of powering through indescribable types and levels of pain. But the most limiting factor was muscle fatigue to the point of complete failure. It got so bad I could not hold my trunk up at a desk or hold a gas pedal down with my foot for example. At first my days were halved, then reduced from five to three, and then down to two days a week. Finally, the Air Force put me on convalescent leave while I waited for them to medical board me out of the service. Just months before I stopped going to work I self-identified as a suicide risk. The details on how I would do it were becoming clearer and clearer. I had two young children and a wife. I couldn’t check out on them, but God damn did I want to. I just kept on plugging away and tried every therapy I could find with the hope that someday I would find an answer. Music and isolation were my only reprieve.

So, how did I make it out and become a Fibromyalgia Warrior you ask? First and foremost medical-retirement was essential in allowing me to moderate my activity and manage my pain and fatigue down to tolerable levels. Just as important I reduced to bare minimum my intake of medications and started self-medicating with cannabis, which was life-changing. Also key was cutting out as much toxicity, negative-thought patterns, negative people, and anything else that complicates life to the fullest extent possible. Seek cognitive behavioral therapy, and keep your fingers on the pulse of advancements in medicine. They are happening every single day. Am I limited? Severely. But I’m not living life in bed and I try to engage when and where I can. Social media can help in that. Was grinding through all that pain and suffering worth it? You bet your ass it was. As messed up as the World is this life is an amazing miracle and I am going to find ways to enjoy what remains of it. I am a Fibromyalgia Warrior!

I leave you with a poem that has for the most part written itself over the course of the last 19 years. These are the phrases generated by a tortured mind. I’m no poet or writer, so pardon any structural or grammatical errors 🙂

hyper-vigilant awareness
turn signal blinking
trauma in slow motion
please stop speaking

economy of movement
cathartic dreams cruel
razor wire shackles
isolation a tool

searing torso shot
gravity times three
fingerprints abrasive
no release or reprieve

piano wire hinges
steam-roller crushes
tiny storms break out
just below the surface

piercing tinnitus
icepicked ear
fingers pressing
but no one’s there

bombarded senses
clothes grating
anatomy trains brush fire
…what was i saying?

tension lines tighten
eyes cinch shut
waters tread deepens
intolerant touch

vice-gripped temples
mallet-smacked knees
transparent winter sunburn
charlie horse teams

pseudo-seizure brain lock
crushing oppression
tender sinew
senses at 11

could always be worse
when will it be over
total body betrayal
i thought ptsd was for soldiers

If you can relate please consider my story, hang on and know you are strong enough to come through the other side. Life is worth it and you deserve to be happy. We only have one shot.

Jason Ozee – Fibromyalgia Warrior

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